LAFAYETTE, LA – Tough times ahead for foliage-lovers of the country, as the United States has now entered an official national flower shortage according to senior officials at the Department of Horticulture.

The shortage has been brought on by what experts call “unprecedented amounts” of floral crowns being made for Festival International attendees. The drop in both wild and controlled-grown flowers is believed to be around 80% within the last two weeks.

“These are very dark times for the country in terms of floral sustainability”, said Tom Gall of the Department of Horticulture, “We believe that around 80 to 85% of the country’s flowers are currently on the heads of 18-21 year olds in and around the Acadiana area. It’s honestly a disaster.”

“We have a number of emergency meetings in the next few days to discuss the protection and preservation of the remaining flora. We already have guards stationed at numerous areas around the country, currently fending off PBR-sipping festival kids who haven’t yet constructed their head-pieces. We pray for their safety, and we pray for the regeneration of this country’s vegetation.”

The Department of Horticulture is expected to give an update in the coming weeks.


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