WASHINGTON, D.C. – To infinity, and beyond! A proud Congressman Clay Higgins was designated his governmental roles earlier this week, and was delighted to be assigned to the House Committee on Science, Space and Technology.

And Higgins, who moved into his fancy new office today, began work immediately by constructing a super-cool spaceship out of the cardboard box that his flat-pack computer chair arrived in.

The spacecraft – dubbed ‘Clay’s Big American Spaceship’ – is believed to be a work-in-progress that Higgins eventually plans to present to NASA as a possible means of transportation to Jupiter.

Nobody has the heart to tell him that Jupiter doesn’t have a physical surface.

This is real. We are sorry.

All dressed up in his favorite astronaut costume that he found on eBay for $15, Higgins pieced-together a technological marvel that a mother would have around a 75% chance of being proud of.

Construction of C.B.A.S. was believed to have taken Higgins the good part of this morning to complete. However it is also understood that the project was both over-budget and behind schedule due to the inability to locate some duct tape. Reports suggest that it took an extra hour to locate a nearby Home Depot, and $3.99 in out-of-pocket expenses to purchase a roll.

It’s clear that Higgins is very much ready for his new position, and the American public can rest assured that a space and science enthusiast of Higgins’ ilk can only be a good thing for the future of U.S. space exploration.


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