KAPLAN, LA – In what has been described by locals as “a true Christmas miracle”, the town of Kaplan has blown the purse-strings wide open this festive season by purchasing an artificial three-foot pre-lit Christmas tree from Walmart, which will sit at the center of the town until January.
The tree is an unprecedented upgrade on last year, which saw them install a two-foot, semi-browning tree that a local had spotted in a dumpster of a neighboring town. He returned to Kaplan a hero for that particular endeavor.
However due to a particularly good year for local businesses, in particular the black market sugar cane business, the town has been able to scrape just enough money together to purchase the $14.99 tree, and treat local residents to a spectacle of which the likes have never been seen within city limits.
Kaplan city official Derek Hebert explained that this was a big acquisition for the town.
“It really is a wonderful sight to see”, he said, “It’s a real big deal for the area. The lights twinkle and flash and dim and brighten. It’s mesmerizing. It’s one of the best things I’ve ever seen around these parts.”
“We did however run into a bit of an issue when we realized that it required electricity to power it. Electricity is a bit of a rarity around here. But we contracted in an out-of-towner who built us a makeshift generator especially for the tree. We just have to make sure that the donkey that walks in a circle to generate the electricity doesn’t pass out.”
The official turning on of the tree takes place tomorrow night.