PHILADELPHIA, PA – After suddenly noticing that delegates were confidently reeling off accomplishments and claims-to-fame of their respective states, Louisiana Democratic delegate Karen Carter Peterson went into panic mode last night as she realized that Louisiana, well, didn’t really have anything.

State delegates gave small, patriotic speeches during the gavel-in, before delivering their nominee votes to Stephanie Rawlings-Blake. And with the states delivering the speeches in alphabetical order, Peterson and her colleagues had to think quickly.

“Oh shit”, she was seen to have muttered, “Everyones naming their state accomplishments. Quick, Brian, think of something that we can mention. Famous people. Famous places. Famous moments in history. Anything. Otherwise we’re going to look like chumps! And hurry up, we’re already up to D for Delaware.”

However state delegates were unable to get their thinking caps on quickly enough, and the speech was a bit of a mess.

“The great state of Louisiana!”, she declared, “Home to democratic progressives such as Lyndon Jo… no wait, that was Texas right? Shit. Uhm, where was Quincy Adams from? Massachusetts? Fuck. Louisiana, where the Alamo was fought bravely by our… Texas as well? Are you kidding me? What about the battle of Gettysburg?… Pennsylvania?! Did we actually have anything interesting happen here? God this is a nightmare…”

However Peterson finally pulled one out of the bag.

“Well we have Kajun Krispy Kremes right?” she said, “That’ll work. Louisiana, home of the boudin king cake! Anyway, here’s the votes…”


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