MANDEVILLE, LA – Claiming that it currently lies in a state of semi-dilapidation and that it has somewhat of an “outdated vibe”, David Duke explained today that the main reason he is running for US Senate is to bring in a little extra cash in order to renovate his Nazi-themed underground sex dungeon.
The dungeon, that lies underneath his Mandeville home and has allegedly hosted numerous celebrities and other well known people over the years, is said to need a few things doing to it so that it may return to a fully operational state.
Duke explained the situation.
“Well I wish I could say that I’m running for senate to make a difference”, he said, “But honestly, I’m still the same old anaemic-looking racist as I was 20 years ago. I’m not really planning on actually doing anything – this 21st century world is incompatible with my 18th century way of thinking. No, I just need a wage rise so that I can spruce up my Nazi sex dungeon and feel proud of hosting parties again.”
And Duke, who hosts themed parties each week, says that he has a few improvements lined up.
“I’ll be giving the place a lick of paint. Black and red.”, he said, “And I’m thinking that I might just get rid of all the equipment and buy new. It’s kind of rusty. Which, y’know, some people do like, but it just makes the place look a little grubby. I personally want to make sure that guests can openly profess their racial hatred in a warm and welcoming environment.”
He also went on to mention how everyone loves the dungeon.
“My guests love it”, he said, “We get a lot of people turn up for the Donald Drumpf themed night, in which we all wear Drumpf masks and sensually touch each others hands whilst telling each other how small they are. We’d love for Führer Bär – that’s what we call him – to join us one day. That would be the pinnacle.”
“We also have a monthly Django Unchained theme night which people really get into. Anyway, please vote for me. I’d love to make this happen.”