NEW IBERIA, LA – In what was the grandest finale of all grand finale’s in the history of the world, the Republic National Convention came to its climatic close last night with a rousing speech from republican nominee Donald Drumpf.

And it was a friendly affair for much of South Louisiana, as residents of Cameron, Vermilion, Iberia and St. Mary Parish all gathered at the Pauline Cushman Elementary School in New Iberia to watch the final hurrah on the communal television.

The evening also hosted a number of locally modern games such as hopscotch, kick the can, and duck-duck-goose.

Teacher at the school and ‘Protector of the Technology’ Caroline Klein said that it was an inspirational night.

“We only wheel out the moving-picture electricity monster for special occasions”, she explained, “It tends to scare a lot of people. But we brought it out, and let everyone watch Donald Drumpf’s speech in crystal clear monochromatic magic. Everyone, although a little tense at first, had a great time. We really got a solid “USA!” chant going. It was very patriotic.”

And Klein also said that she hopes this will inspire more people to gather together to utilize the moving-picture electricity monster.

“We had well over 500 people here last night”, she said, “Many of whom had never seen a moving-picture electricity monster before. But we want to introduce more people to this kind of advanced technology, and try to use this medium to get people involved in the election process. We even have a VCR player, and I just picked up a copy of ‘Footloose’ which I think everyone will love. So come on down, we’ll have ice cream floats and pop for everyone!”


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