BATON ROUGE, LA – In a move that will surely put plenty of Alabama football fans out of work, a new bill that will protect LSU fans from anything negative being said towards them AT ALL has been given the go-ahead.
The newly minted legislation, known as “#purpleandgoldlivesmatter” is said to have been unanimously and quickly approved by both parties and fast tracked yet again to the Governor’s desk, in the same fashion of the recently signed bill to let Mike VI partake in the “dank herb”.
The bill has been introduced to protect LSU and its interests from satire, jokes, and people just being “downright mean”, according to lawmaker Mike Shirtliff.
“The fans, staff members, tiger, and football players who worship the ground we walk and play football on deserve protection from satirical websites, and rude jokes targeting them”, he explained, “They buy our merchandise, support the greatest and most storied sports dynasty in the history of sports, including baseball. It’s only right that we wrap them up in cotton wool.”
Shirtliff also stated that he, and his lawmaker buddies, fully support the bill.
“We stand with LSU”, he confirmed, “They are tired, and rightfully so, of carrying the pride of Louisiana on their shoulders and people making fun of their shirts, hats, bumper stickers, and driving skills. There is also NOTHING wrong with corn dogs. Corn dogs are great. I love corn dogs.”
Opposition to the bill has been limited, with non-supporters being told to “pack up and leave” if they don’t like LSU. Those who spoke up were quickly shouted at and ridiculed for “trying to create a safe space for terrorists” and “being too PC”, and have all since quickly retreated.