LAFAYETTE, LA – In what is an ongoing situation, a hefty crowd of approximately – well, exactly – three people are protesting outside of the Target store on Ambassador Caffery Parkway. The unidentified freedom fighters, who have clearly made this their top weekend priority, are allegedly kind of annoyed about Target’s stance on transgender bathroom usage.
However, in an ironic and unfortunate twist of fate, inside sources have confirmed that the male of the group – known only as Mr. Man-Bag – currently needs to pee REALLY bad.
Our anonymous tipster told us more.
“I’m out here now and he definitely has a look of regret on his face”, he said, “His mouth looks real clenched, his eyes look a little teary, and he’s kind of walking funny. If I had to guess what he was thinking about now, it’d be something about how he shouldn’t have drank so much holy water this morning. But that’s just a guess.”
The insider also confirmed that the other two female protesters seem to be holding up well.
“They’re still going strong”, he said, “They’re still stomping up and down the street with authority. But time will tell. It seems the male isn’t as mentally hardened to the cut-throat world of protesting as his partners are, but this’ll be a good learning curve for him. He just needs to keep his head up, and not think about anything water-related. We’re all rooting for him.”
The situation continues.