BATON ROUGE, LA – Concerned over the safety of their children, latest polls show that 84% of Louisiana residents are now refusing to allow their children to clumsily fall into zoo enclosures that house transgender gorillas.

Fueled by the news of a young kid deciding that his mother was too pre-occupied with taking selfies and that hanging out with a gorilla would be a little more bearable, parents all across the state immediately voiced their displeasure over the possible immediate dangers.

Local mother of 37 little brats Karen Chandler explained that she now refuses to go to the zoo.

“Once again the government is sticking its nose in and sending this country to hell in a hand-basket”, she said, “By allowing transgender gorillas to be homed in zoo enclosures that I could recklessly allow one of my children to fall into, you’re putting my child in unnecessary danger. Who knows if they’re actually transgender? They could be anything! It could be a polar bear in a costume! It doesn’t sit right with me and I will no longer be taking by screaming miniature demons to the zoo.”

But Steven Hallbrook, a spokesperson for the Louisiana Wildlife Protection Group, said that this worry was unfounded and irrational.

“What the f*** is she talking about?”, he said, “She really said that? I– I don’t even know how to respond to that. Sorry.”


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