LAFAYETTE, LA – After finding out that the majority of schools in the area are closed today due to flooding, local teachers claimed that it was actually a blessing in disguise as it allows them to catch up on getting wine drunk throughout the day – something that they had been severely been lagging behind in.

Heavy rains has seen most schools in Acadia Parish, as well as neighboring parishes closed for today and possibly tomorrow. Rumors also circulated that a mass rain dance performed by area teachers was responsible for the weather.

Local middle-school teacher Sara Villas explained why these few days off were crucial.

“We’re all so glad for the day off”, she said, “Schooling can take it’s toll and cause many teachers in the area to lag behind in getting hammered on cheap wines from 9 o’clock in the morning. This will give us all a chance to catch up, and restore a sense of sanity amongst both myself and my peers, especially with it being almost end of term. There’s a few of us who may hit the whiskey, who knows.”

The rains are expected to die down by the end of tomorrow, but Villas believes that they have more than enough time.

“I mean personally I can get through around four or five bottles in that time, so by Wednesday I think I should have gotten smashed, told myself that I’m in the wrong job, cried myself to sleep, battled through the hangover, and woken up fresh and ready to see out the term.”


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