NEW ORLEANS, LA – With the 2016 NFL schedule fresh off the press, New Orleans Saints Quarterback Drew Brees hit the practice turf this morning to dust off the rust and prepare for another season of up’s and down’s and down’s and down’s.
Brees is to believed to have taken on extra practice sessions alone, and looks to have adapted a new method of getting the best out of himself through creating a precise simulation of competitive NFL games – by drafting in a local blind school as his offensive team.
Experts believe that by doing this, Brees is “completely managing his expectations” and working at a level that will no doubt be replicated throughout the season.
“You have to give credit to him”, said Senior Sports Analyst Brent Simpson, “Why train at a level that is obviously going to be higher than a level that he’ll be working with throughout the season? That’s not only wasted time and wasted energy, but it also allows Drew to hone in his skills to working with players that couldn’t catch the clap in a third-world brothel. It’s smart training.”
Alfred Leblanc, 62, and his guide dog Harry, 7, were set up as wide receivers, and with a 0.6% catch rate (thanks to Harry getting sick of seeing the ball hit Alfred in the face) managed to equal Brandin Cooks’ 2016 predicted catch-rate.
And Steven Redhill, 35, was a phenom as a running-back, making 1 out of 39 key runs in the correct direction, despite making zero catches. However New Orleans Saints have denied rumors that they have offered him a contract.
Off-season practice continues.