BATON ROUGE, LA – Louisiana took a huge stride towards the 19th century this week, as Governor John Bel Edwards confirmed that the minimum hourly wage would actually be going up over the next two years.
Edwards announced that the minimum wage would increase from $7.25 per hour, to $8 per hour – but also encouraged employers to give employees a regular pat-on-the-back.
He said that he believed that t had the right to earn enough money to feed their families every three to four days – and that employees also needed to feel appreciated now and then.
“I’m hoping that this rise will see many of the peasants begin to lead a better life”, he said, “We want to see people moving out of those straw-roofed huts and into something more substantial, such as a shipping container or a dog kennel. We also want people to feel appreciated, and what better way to provide that than a solid pat-on-the-back every hour. I almost feel like that’s more important than the money.”
Peasants lined the streets of the capitol in celebration at the fact that they may be able to move from buying a monthly load of bread, to a bi-weekly loaf of bread. One local peasant and fast-food worker, Tammy Smith, explained that she’ll gladly take the raise.
“I’ll be walking the 17-miles to work each day a little happier”, said Smith, “I might even be able to afford some shoes to make the journey a little easier. It can get pretty painful walking over all of those potholes. I’m also delighted that my student loan will now be fully paid off by the year 2594 instead of 2612. Things are definitely looking up for me and my little family. Hopefully when the next minimum wage increase goes through in 2017, we can afford to buy a little mule to get us from A to B.”