VATICAN CITY – Pope Francis made himself known again yesterday as he delivered the blessing known as the “Urbi et Orbi” (“to the City and to the World”) from the balcony on the facade of Saint Peter’s.

Reports also suggest that he also reportedly went back to his living quarters for a tele-conference with President Obama and the First Lady, where he gave the Obama’s his blessing, and began speaking highly of the states in the USA he experienced on his travels. They were reported to have spoken for two hours, covering each state in detail and what they enjoyed about each one.

While President Obama obviously cannot tell the difference between New Orleans and Baton Rouge, Pope Francis spoke highly of Lafayette, remarking on the food and swamps of the city. There was however, some friendly constructive criticism from the man in white.


On Travel: “I love Lafayette, for they have shown me a blessed time. I do have a few gripes, however. For starters, the driving is horrific and filled with anger. Drivers act like they’re on a rally track, cutting off each other, shouting vulgarities.

Large SUV’s block the bicycle lanes while waiting for their children to leave class, forcing the bicyclists to take to the road just like any other transportation device demands, much to the ire of other drivers.

There are so many pot holes, and so large as well – it took us four hours to fish the Popemobile out of one. And I saw some stuffed with beer and ice. Just sitting there, in the middle of the street. Not nearly as bad as traffic around the Louisiana State University though, but still.

At this blessed time, we must come together to pray for these souls who believe that they are Ricky Bobby and that main roads throughout Lafayette are the Tallageda Superspeedway.”

On Food: “I’ve eaten at some of the best restaurants in the world, for Our Savior Christ. I have to tell you though, the food in Louisiana is by far the greatest. From sucking out the inside of what they call Boudin, to peeling off the tails and sucking the heads of Crayfish, to eating stew with big balls made from ground meats and swallowing the accompanying gravy, everything was delicious…Delicious but oddly sexual.

While we must all love and not judge each other, Louisiana seems to have some repressed issues in regards to the food they eat. Also cracklins are tasty. Even though in Leviticus 11:7-8, the Bible states ‘And the pig, because it parts the hoof and is cloven-footed but does not chew the cud, is unclean to you. You shall not eat any of their flesh, and you shall not touch their carcasses; they are unclean to you.’ we can just ignore that portion of the scripture, just like we do for other things. A little purposeful ignorance never harmed anyone, right? Just look at the Louisiana State University.

I will be praying for bountiful harvests in Louisiana and for crawfish prices to drop to something like $3 per pound.”

On the Music scene: “I was surprised by the amount of bands in and around Lafayette, each standing thru their own genre such as Cajun and Zydeco. We do not get to listen to music too much in the Vatican due to noise restrictions, but I have been know to enjoy Foghat. Apparently their song ‘Slow Ride’ is about a street in this lovely city. Who knew?

I stepped in for a show at a local venue which promoted five Cajun bands. I enjoyed it, but was confused as to why each band just played the same song for the entire set. Turns out, it all just sounds the same. I must say, I did however enjoy a band called Feufollet. ‘Au Font du Lac’ spoke to my heart and their violin player, a blonde haired gentleman, was very talented as well. The way he manipulated the strings, well, it was like watching a divine act happening right in front of us.

It brought tears to my eyes, much like the Louisiana State University football team brings to their fans, except these were tears of joy and not disappointment.

This year I will be praying that Festival International will actually include international bands. Maybe someone like Foghat.”

The call is said to have then ended, with President Obama thanking “Pope Frank” and mistakenly wishing “Orleans Rouge” a Happy Easter.


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