LAFAYETTE, LA – River Ranch looks to continue it’s unrelenting development, as plans have emerged from behind its glorious walls and drawbridges that show the proposal for a new fancy-ass bridge connecting directly from the neighborhood to the Chick-Fil-a on Ambassador.

The bridge would allow River Ranch residents to get their Chick-Fil-A kicks, whilst avoiding the common peasantry that separates the two locations.

Although nothing official has been announced, our inside source told us that the idea was proposed at the annual ‘Gathering of the Wealth’ by long-term board-member Patty ‘CrawMama” Rivière, and blue-prints have been drawn by local drafting company T-Boys Architectural Designs and Canoe Rentals.

The details of the highly-detailed draft seem to show a bridge starting at the locally renowned City Club and extending over what is noted as ‘peasantry area’. A toll booth would also be erected at the far end, to heed off any attempts by non-residents to utilize the bridge, as well as a proposed speed limit of 15 MPH. Planned additions to the project also include 2,000 more speed cameras, surveillance drones, and rumors of possible additional exits to Starbucks and Target (commonly referred to as the rich man’s Walmart) – which would mainly be used on Sunday’s when Chick-Fil-A is closed.

And many non-residents seem pleased with the plans.

“Those posh folks can have their damn bridge”, said Lafayette resident Greg Walker, “It’s like a daily gathering of all of the Escalades and Denalis in town. That damn parking lot is a nightmare, especially when all I want is a chicken sandwich. And at least I’ll be able to drive down Ambassador without those idiots queuing up in the outside lane. So I’m all for it.”

Nobody from River Ranch was available for comment at this time.



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