LAFAYETTE, LA – A study conducted by the Louisiana Institute of Motor Safety today revealed that speed cameras within the River Ranch vicinity now outnumber residents at a ratio of almost two-to-one.
Lonnie Marshall, Field Investigator from the L.I.M.S., said that the results are a sign of the times.
“From our measurements, there are almost 5,000 speed cameras in River Ranch, and 2,500 residents. There is a speed camera approximately every three-feet.”, Marshall said, “We’re living in an era where upper-class neighborhoods don’t want to hear the sound of your car driving past, no matter how many layers of glazing they have on their windows. Unless it’s the sexy growl of a Bentley Continental GT, of course. Areas like this are absolutely plowing cash into installing speed cameras.”
And he says that he thinks that this could be the front-line in national traffic safety.
“There’s nowhere else in the U.S. that we’ve seen quite like this”, he said, “I’m not sure if this is a sneak peek into a Utopian or Dystopian future, it could swing either way. Honestly, if I had to compare it to anything, I’d say it was like driving through a scene from ‘I, Robot’. You half expect these things to sprout arms and legs, and throw your car 16-miles through the air for no good reason. It’s almost like you need Will Smith to ride with you in order to feel safe. But, this is a neighborhood that is clearly intent on ensuring vehicular safety, so y’know, good for them. I guess.”