LAFAYETTE, LA – Area man and perennial grump Jason Sewell confirmed today that he’s only riding his krewe’s float because it gives him a prime opportunity to pelt people he dislikes with relatively hard objects.

Jason explained that Mardi Gras is a prime time to be able to get a slight bit of legal revenge.

“It’s the only time of year that you can eyeball someone you hate, wrap up some beads into a tiny ball, take aim, and launch that sucker right at their faces – and nobody bats an eyelid”, he said, “In fact, they keep them as a souvenir. What more could you want? I love Mardi Gras,”

He also confirmed that he has a few targets lined up.

“Well thanks to Facebook these idiots are posting their exact locations”, he said, “So all I gotta do is be ready and waiting. There’s a douche I know called Henri, he’s a French exchange student who thinks he’s untouchable. Waiting at the corner of Johnston and St. Mary. Can’t wait to mess up that pretty-boy face. And Rob, oh Rob. Man, he’s an ass. Typical roid-rage guy who thinks he’s God’s gift to women. I’ve got some heavy beads all saved up for him. He’s posted up in one of those pretentious corporate tents.”

You can catch Jason going buck wild in tonight’s Friday Night Parade.


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