LAFAYETTE, LA – Police are urging residents to avoid the express register at Albertsons grocery store on Ambassador Caffery Parkway today, due to tailbacks reaching almost seven miles in length. The prolonged delays are believed to be due to a local resident writing out a check to pay for her Evangeline Maid Sandwich Loaf and Peppermint Altoids.

Lafayette Police Department have been confirmed as ‘on the scene’, and are hopeful that the incident will be resolved within the next few hours.

“We can confirm that we have a female currently writing out a check, which is causing extreme delays in the vicinity” said Officer Peyton of the Lafayette P.D., “As the majority of cases like this go, the lady in question is clearly in favor of using archaic methods of payment that we believe dates back to the Triassic period.”

Officer Payton also verified that the lady only started completing the check after all items had been totaled up, and after she had scrutinized the on-screen total three times for discrepancies.

“We have advised the woman in question that she could have at least completed the date and signature before-hand” he confirmed, “Hell, she could have even gotten the checkbook out earlier. But we’re here to inform, and hopefully she’ll join us in the 21st century sometime soon.”


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