MELVILLE, LA – The US Army Corps of Engineers today revealed plans that would see excess waters diverted from the Mississippi River and into one of grandmas spare, over-sized gumbo pots that had been sat at the back of her cupboard for over 3 years.

Rodney Grice, Senior Project Engineer at the New Orleans branch of the USACE, explained the severity of the situation.

“We’re seeing increasingly high water levels all along the Mississippi River, from New Orleans all the way to the North of the state and beyond, so this is a pretty serious situation” he explained. “Normally we would just open one of the number of spillways along the river, but in this extreme situation we had to call in the big guns.”

And Grice has assured that their ‘code-red’ response should see water levels begin to fall almost immediately.

“We had to call up grandma, and there ain’t no shame in that.” he said. “Everyone knows that she’s got one of those big old gumbo pots that she uses as a backup, just sat in a cupboard somewhere. We plan to simply run the excess waters right into it. If it can cook enough gumbo to feed a typical Louisiana family then it sure as hell has enough capacity to store the flood water. It’ll do the job.”

Flood prevention plans start as soon as later today.


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