LAFAYETTE, LA – Local biker gang the Lafayette Crawdadz have moved to assure local residents today that the only reason they obnoxiously fly down the city’s main roads at 1am is because they’re simply trying to get back to the future.
Many people in the area regularly hear the gas-guzzling motley crew put pedal to the metal in the early hours of most mornings, usually just at the moment they’re falling asleep – and many assume they’re up to no good.
“I’d put my kids to bed, I’d let the dog out, I’d had my shot of whiskey, and I’d just got into bed and was drifting into that, y’know, half-conscious-half-dreamy state… and BAM those jackasses flew by all guns blazing and startled the hell out of me” said local resident Teresa Gaines, “I’m pretty sure they do it just to wake me up. I haven’t slept in weeks”
But Lafayette Crawdadz member Floyd Brown moved to reassure residents that they have it all wrong.
“I know they probably think we’re some type of disrespectful group of rowdies, but honestly we do what we do for a reason” he said. “We’re just trying to get back to the future, you know? Trying to hit that elusive 88mph at exactly the right moment. Some jackass send us back here from 2034 because he couldn’t hang with our ways. But it’s all good, one of our guys is a genius man, he’s trying to pinpoint the exact time and place to do it, and he’s narrowed it down to somewhere on Johnson Street at 1am. He’s pretty sure it’s around the Blackham Coliseum area.”
He went onto mention that although they’ve had no luck so far, they’re confident that it’ll happen soon.
“We’re gonna make it” he said, “We gonna keep trying every night. I have full faith in my boys. And when we do it we’re going back to 2034.”
And Floyd was also happy to confirm that the future is bright.
“2034 is a good year. It’s just a good time. The economy is 34% fueled by Chick fil A, there’s 187 Icee flavors to choose from, and Louisiana is ranked #2 for education in the country behind Alabama… nah, I’m just kidding, we still suck.”