As we say goodbye to 2015 and ring in 2016, we make some predictions for the new year that we’re pretty sure will happen.

1Louisiana will resurface every single mile of road in the state, and become the envy of the world

With the obvious passion and spirit that Louisiana officials have for ensuring that the states roads are in tip-top condition, we’re almost certain that they will have plans for resurfacing them for the 6th time in three years to ensure that they are the world’s best-kept.

2Pelicans to pick another new mascot. Giant inflatable Tom Benson most likely candidate

We have full faith that the Pelicans have strong ambitions to keep up their tradition of switching-up the team mascot, just because. Giant inflatable Tom Benson would be an ideal choice.

3Festival International organizers to get down on knees and plead for Foghat to headline event

With the recent revelations about a certain song about a certain road, popularity for the 70’s band has risen ten-fold. “Holy crap, I’d forgotten about them” can be heard all across town. What better way to celebrate this than to bring them in as FIDL headliners?

4David Vitter to get revenge on JBE by opening strip club called ‘The Belle’

Still walking around with fists-clenched, we think it would be wise for David Vitter to both expand his business portfolio and just chill out. A strip club would be a fitting choice. $5-off entry fee if you’re in a diaper.

5Area T-boys will form a union of raised-truck drivers, with an 87% chance of continuing to be obnoxious

After recent (rightful) victimization towards area T-boys and their 60ft high trucks, nobody would blame them for starting a union. They’ll still be assholes, though.

6Jindal to do everything in his power to stay relevant – may resort to starting a prank-based Youtube channel

Jindal’s the type of guy who just needs limelight. He won’t go quietly. Rumors are flying around that he’s going to step back into the presidential race due to Mrs. Jindal being sick of him “pottering around the house being useless”, but may end up starting a Youtube channel dedicated to obviously-staged pranks.

7Local radio stations’ ability to distinguish between real and non-real news will hit a new all time low

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