LAFAYETTE, LA – Local narrow-minded residents were up in arms today, as plans were announced to remove the General Robert E. Lee statue, as well as other Confederate figures, from New Orleans.

People in the area took to social media this morning to voice their disbelief that the statue of the Confederate Civil War general was to be removed, citing that even though he was a complete asshole, he was a part of the history of the United States and deserved to stay.

“I saw the news and I immediately vowed never to step foot in New Orleans again” said local Debbie Ramirez, “Sure, he supported the idea of slavery and was a prominient figure in the dark days of this great country, but the past is the past. It doesn’t matter how bad he was, or what his ideologies were, he is part of our history. Harrah’s is never getting my business again. The penny slots are no more.”

However Mrs Ramirez, along with a huge number of other residents lacking in common sense, are demanding that a 30ft statue of President Obama be torn down, after it was unveiled today in Girard Park.

“If it doesn’t come down, I’m moving. Ovomit has been a stain on this great country for the past 8 years and I never want to see his face again. He’s ruined the country. He’s a criminal. He’s been the worst thing to happen to this country in like, forever. I swear, I can’t wait for Trump to take over and make America great again.”

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