BATON ROUGE, LA – Plans were announced today by the Louisiana Department of Transportation and Development to combat the ongoing issues of delays along I-10’s Atchafalaya Basin Bridge, connecting Baton Rouge to Lafayette.

The bridge has been subject to much criticism in recent months after a spurt of traffic accidents, as well as maintenance work, have caused lengthy delays for commuters between the two cities.

However plans announced today by the DOTD would, according to District Engineer Mike Blanchard, cut travel time in half, and then some.

“After much discussion and careful analysis, we have calculated that actually demolishing the 20-mile stretch of bridge, and simply allowing commuters to swim, would in fact allow them to reach their destinations over 50% quicker than by vehicle.” Mr. Blanchard suggested. “There are still a few minor technicalities to iron out but we’re confident that this proposal will be accepted by all, and we’re very excited about it.”

Mr. Blanchard did also accept that not enough consideration had gone into the initial design of the bridge when it was constructed over 40 years ago, leading to it’s deserved critics.

“Oh without a doubt, somebody fucked up back then” he stated. “It was about as well thought out as an AA meeting at a brewery. Most people I know tend to pack food for at least two weeks when travelling from here to Lafayette, as well as a few essentials such as camping stove, blankets, and one of those fold-out cardboard porta-toilets. But we’re on the right track to make things better.”

The DOTD are confident that work would begin in mid-2016.


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